I am not a fan of Oprah. Sorry, that whole, “I’m wide as a whale this year, and next year I’ll be slim as a ski pole” thing just irritates me. That, and I don’t do a whole helluva lot of TV anyway.
“You’re writing about Oprah on a sex blog? Dude, that’s just wrong, where the hell is this headed?”
I’m going somewhere quickly, and I’ll give you a hint, it’s nowhere near Oprah’s pants.
On one of her silly-ass shows Oprah actually did her part to promote sexiness in America. HAHA. No really. She had Dr. Mehmet Oz, a renowned, respected University of Columbia surgeon come on and answer some of the most commonly asked health questions from the silly turds in the studio audience. The most popular question was *giggle *giggle *giggle* about sex!
“How often should human beings be having sex each year?”
The Wizard of, I mean, Dr. Oz carried on the great American tradition of giving the audience fuck-tards four possible choices, what you and I would call a multiple-choice mindfuck. The options were:
A) weekly
B) twice a week
C) 10 times a month
D) 200 times a year
And the envelope please….
200 times a year. At least.
WOW. How many Americans are getting that much action? Not nearly enough are getting enough, and frankly, it’s not doing our physical or mental wellbeing any good. Dr. Oz cited a Duke University sex study that showed very clear correlations between a human’s “physiologic age” and their actual age when sex was liberally added to the mix. People that had over 200 orgasms a year had an average physiologic age of six years less than their actual age. For those who aren’t doctors, physiologic age is measured by how well a body performs all its normal functions at that particular age. If you are a healthy 35-year-old that knows your way around the sack, then you can feel like you’re actually younger than 30, so long as someone’s still rocking your boat.
If there’s one stupid New Year’s resolution to actually keep, (I haven’t seen you at the gym in a couple weeks pal) then it’s this one: put the health of your body and your mind at the top of the priority list by having more sex. A lot more sex. I could give a rat’s ass who you do it with, but get down already!
I know what your brain’s thinking, “well I get why my body would like to fuck more, but what’s it gonna do to keep me sane?”
Having regular sex is a crucial way to keep your mind finely tuned by not only delivering the greatest pleasure on Earth, but also by reminding you that your body is healthy and functioning well. Think of having frequent sex as an almost-daily visit to your doctor, just to make sure things are all good–up here, down there, and everywhere else they oughta be. Additionally, it does immeasurable good for your mental health to be so intimate with someone you are wildly attracted to, someone you feel very passionately about, or if you are truly lucky, someone that is both.
Repeat after me: I promise to stay on top (healthwise) by being on top, underneath, around, and in every other position possible this year at least 200 times.
And if you can do it 200 times a year, it’s pretty much like having your doctor tell you every other day, “hey, everything’s cool, just keep eating those apples and you won’t have to see me so damn often.”
“A terrible thing happened to me again last night–Nothing.”
~Phyllis Diller
